Aug 7, 2008

Am I really ready for this???

In exactly 28 days Mr. Sam is going to be getting up to eat breakfast, take a bath, get dressed in brand new clothes, putting a backpack on, waiting for the bus and actually getting on that bus. That bus will take him to school for the very first time.
If there was ever a time when I wish I had a magic wand to hold time still that time is now. (Though I wish I had it when the older kids were doing the same thing too!)
I want the next 28 days to stop. I want them to take their sweet time to get here because this will be the very last time I will see a child of mine going off to school for the first time.

With my daughter she gave me a hug and got on the bus and that was that. She sat on the other side of the bus so she could see her Mommy jumping up and down and waving with smiles and tears.

With Curtis he was way too excited to stop and give me a hug before getting on the bus! The bus came, I squatted down to give him a hug and he ran and got on the bus before I knew what happened.

With Gregory he was excited yet timid. He gave me a big long hug and I had to tell him it was time for him to get on the bus because it's waiting and so is his teacher. I would get daily phone calls to come over and hang out with him because he was crying for me. Due to his shyness and seperation anxiety it was harder for him to leave me. So my routine was to walk to the school pregnant with Sam for a good portion of the school year.

And now I sit and wonder how it's going to go with Sam. I have no doubt he will be excited. I have no doubt that he will get on the bus before I get a hug. But then what? What happens when he gets on that bus? I won't be able to walk to the school like I was before. This time around I wear my heart in my throat. With the others it was a whirlwind. I didn't have the time to stop and think like I do now. Frankly I wish I didn't have that time to think. It's making me want to stop all time just so I can soak up all the toddler still left in Sam.

Then again. I want the hardships of this summer with Sam to be over. I want his therapies to start. I want him to be off learning and making friends. I want him to get interested again in potty training. I want him to fly not sit here with me watching Mickey Mouse, writing on the walls and climbing on the dresser or begging me to write his name for him over and over and over and over. Yet refuses to let me do hand over hand so he can learn the feel of each letter. Doodling, coloring or drawing time in this house is me doing it for him. I will miss this greatly.

I did not know with the others how conflicting it can be to have a child go off to school for the first time. Then we had 2 weeks to get school clothes and supplies. And all the paperwork signed and returned, meetings to attend, a tour of the school to do all in 14 days. Is there not a happy medium?? Soon I will be getting the paperwork in the mail and will have time to fill it out and mail it back cause there will be time for that. School clothes are being purchased a little here and a little there to make it easier. And a tour of the school for Sam will also happen yet I have time to sit and ponder what day will be best for Sam. Not too early that he will think it's going to happen now. Or too late either.

Upon reading what I have just typed out I realize that I rambled. So I will stop here.

28 days and counting.

A mom who wants the magic wand to stop time for at least a day. Is that too much to ask for?


Anonymous said...

I understand completely. The last one is the hardest in my opinion. I pulled my youngest out of kindergarten because his asthma was so bad~but deep down it was what I wanted anyway. Just take it one day at a time and cry if you need to. Try to have some chores or activities planned for immediately after he gets on the bus and it will help. Luv ya!

Karen said...

Aw. I can only offer you a virtual hug.

Tidbits Of Tammy said...

I feel your pain. I am doing the same thing with my oldest. He has 3 weeks I am excited and sad at the same time.
The time has just flew by.

Channah said...

Aww. Hugs and chocolate brownies here for you.

Jamie E said...

tag, you're it!

Renee said...

The first day of school is rough because it means that they have left the baby years behind. I have one more year with my youngest at home and I am dreading that first day. I think what bothers me the most about it is knowing that I will not longer be able to completely shelter him from the world. I have seen just how mean kids can be with my oldest.